Back now where it all began
by ris91
Summary: Soulmate AU. Logan and Veronica love and lose and finally, find their way back home to each other.


_**2001 – Girls just wanna have fun**_

Sprawled on the floor of her room next to her best friend, feet bopping in time to the strains of the latest Spice Girls hit, Lilly Kane declared authoritatively, "the world is our oyster Veronica Mars, all we have to do is grab hold and see where this sucker takes us."

"Jeez Lil, mix metaphors much."

"You know what I mean. We're young, hot and single, plus I'm rich as fuck, there's no stopping us now."

" _Are_ you single? Because I saw a teenage boy at the party last night doing a remarkable impression of being your boyfriend."

"Well yeah…. Logan and I are back together _again_ ," she responded with a dismissive shake of her head, "but my point stands, we're still young and sizzling hot," she emphasized with a loud "Tssssh" and a sassy shake of her fingers.

From her perch on the bed, arms angled awkwardly away from her body in the age old style of teenage girls trying to prevent their nail polish from smudging, Veronica smiled at her friend's antics. Everything about Lilly was larger than life, bigger and bolder, including her grand declarations.

"Sure thing Lil, but do we have to start now, I'm kinda tired?" murmured Veronica wiggling on the bed, in an attempt to get comfortable.

She was getting the weirdest feeling in lower back. It had started the week before and had already been driving her insane before she'd gotten a new coat of nail polish at Lilly's insistence ( _ugh Veronica those nails_ ) and now couldn't even scratch the offending area. Not that scratching helped. Which it would, if it were an itch.

But it wasn't.

Arghhh.

She didn't even know how to describe it. It was some sort of weird…zinging sensation. It had started out as the mildest fluttering and then had persistently gotten more intense until it was a near constant tingling. It felt like the steady hum of a thousand bees across her skin or like her back had fallen asleep. It didn't ache or pain or itch even, it just was there.

All. The. Time.

A constant awareness.

" _What_ are you doing?" asked Lilly as she noticed her friend's preoccupation.

"Huh?"

"You keep rubbing your butt against the comforter. At first it was cute, like a little puppy but you've been doing it for like 5 mins straight with the weirdest expression on your face. Is there something you need to tell me? Like you've developed some weird comforter fetish while I wasn't looking?"

"Lilly!"

Laughing at the scandalized expression she'd provoked, Lilly continued, "Hey whatever floats your boat V'ronica, no judgment here. I'd never judge you for your kink."

"You're such an idiot."

"But you love me anyway."

"Course."

"Love you too. Now spill, what's with the butt wiggle?"

"I dunno. I've been getting this weird _tingling_ in my lower back since yesterday …"

"Like a rash?"

"No. Not like a rash. I checked. There's nothing there. No redness, no itching, nothing. Just ..."

"A tingling?"

"Exactly."

"Turn over and lemme see."

Flipping over with a huff, Veronica pulled up the bottom of her tee shirt and muttered, "Fine but I checked and there's nothing to see."

"Hmmm, I should've guessed you would be a grower."

"A grow-Oh my God is something _growing_ on me?"

Laughing Lilly replied. "There's nothing's growing on you. Your mark just decided to pop early."

"My what? My Mark?….OH MY GOD but I'm still 14, can you even get them that young? And what do you mean a grower?"

"Remember last year when I hooked up with that cute freshman from Stanford? Mike?"

"Yeah I remember _Mark_. Celeste threw a fit when she found out."

"Grounded me for a month. It was worth _every_ second," answered Lilly with a dreamy sigh. "He did this one thing with his fing-"

"Can we relive your exploits some other time? I'm having a major life altering moment here."

Chastised she responded "Yeah, sorry. Anyhow, _Mark_ was doing this course in physio-…social-…one of the ologies and when he was trying to impress me with his college-boy knowledge, he told me all this stuff about soulmate marks. It was surprisingly really interesting."

"Well spill."

"I've forgotten most of it but let's see...uh I remember him saying that for most people it's just this sudden, random, instantaneous thing. Like you're just standing around, minding your own business and then zap, you get this, this …feeling and suddenly there's a mark on your body that matches somebody else in the world. Usually it's somebody in the vicinity, so that helps to narrow it down."

"That doesn't sound like what happened to me though…"

"Like I said - most people. For a few others, it's different. Instead of one sudden zap, it starts slowly and then over time, like months or even years, it grows into your full mark. That my dear is why all you have to show for yourself so far is a thin-faint-squiggle."

"A squiggle? My soulmate mark is a squiggle?... I have to see this."

Moving off the bed, she positioned herself so that her back faced the mirror and swung her head around to look at the mark.

"Huh. It does look like a squiggle. What kind of soulmate can I have if his sign is a squiggle?"

"Hey as long as his dick isn't a squiggle, it's all good."

Flopping back onto the bed, Veronica groaned. "Lilly! That does not make me feel better."

"Relax, this is just what you've gotten so far. It can turn into anything, an image or a word even."

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh. I remember cause Mark said that the guys in his class would laugh about the two kinds of soulmates… you know either you're a 'grower' or a 'shower'," she completed with an exaggerated wink.

"Yuck. Did you just compare me to a-a.."

"Penis. Yep." She answered popping her p's with relish.

"You are having way too much fun with this."

"And you are taking this way too seriously. _Live a little Veronica Mars_. You've gotten the _faint_ beginnings of a soulmate mark, so what? With any luck it'll be years before it comes in and think of all the fun we can have in the meantime."

"Would you be so calm if this was happening to you? Are your ready to wrap your mind around the idea of one person forever? At least you already have Logan-"

" _Whoa_. Let's not get carried away here. In the first place, not everyone gets a soulmate. I'm a free spirit, soulmates definitely aren't for people like me. And even if it did happen, let's be real it'd never be Logan," Lilly replied with the kind of confidence that Veronica could only envy.

"How can you be so certain?"

Waggling her eyes playfully, "Well for one, I think his dad's hot and I'm sure that it's a _pret-ty_ clear sign that a guy is not your soulmate if you'd like to bone his dad."

"Ewwww Aaron? He's like the crypt keeper." Veronica wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Oh Veronica, no. He's older, more distinguished, _definitely_ more experienced. The things he could teach me…"

"God Lilly, you'll say anything to shock me won't you?"

"Moi? Never. Besides, I know you Veronica Mars, despite what they call you, you're not some little Pollyanna princess."

"That's horrible. You're making that up. No one calls me that."

"Actually, last week I overheard Dick Casablancas call you a Pollyanna princess after you refused to ditch Math to go surfing with us."

"We _had_ a test."

"Who cares what anybody else thinks? I know what you're really like and apparently so does the u-ni-verse." Lilly sing-songed.

At Veronica's confused look, she continued, "C'mon a mystical tattoo right at the base of your spine, it's _obvious_ …the universe gave you your very own tramp stamp."

"That's it."

With that, Veronica jumped off the bed, grabbed a pillow and with a loud 'whoop' smacked her giggling friend across the head. Not to be outdone, Lilly launched herself across the bed, spare pillow in hand and started to chase Veronica, both girls screaming at the top of their lungs.

"So this is what you two get up to when nobody else is around?" Logan drawled, trademark smirk in place. Leaning nonchalantly against the doorjamb, he gazed at both girls with a dreamy expression on his face, "Pillow fight…I had a dream _just_ like this last night."

"Perv," Veronica snarked.

"Hey, name me one red-blooded American male who would come across two luscious blondes engaged in a pillow fight and not have the same thoughts."

"Duncan."

"Tut tut tut, Veronica." Logan shook his head in mock sadness. "I hate to burst your Donut-loving bubble but Golden Boy is just as much of a perv as the next guy."

"Whatever."

Walking over to the bed, Logan fluffed the pillows a few times before settling back, hands crossed behind his head. "What prompted the all-out war anyway? Usually you two are as thick as thieves."

Never one to let an opportunity pass her by, Lilly interjected, "V'ronica's love life.'

"Oh….okay."

Stung by the noticeably unenthusiastic tone, Veronica response carried more than a little bite, "I'm sorry, are we boring you? I know how much you hate it when the topic is anything other than yourself."

"Hey, sometimes I'm up all night, just thinkin' about myself." As the girls snorted, he went on, "while I am my favorite topic, in a pinch I'm always ready-"

"-that you are lovah."

Responding with a wink to Lilly's aside, Logan continued, "I'm always ready to help out my two favorite girls."

Before they could respond, a maid appeared at door, "Ms. Lilly, Mrs. Kane asked for you to meet her in the study."

"Ugh what does the Dragon Lady want now?"

At the maid's embarrassed silence, she sighed. "I'm coming, I'm coming. Tell Celeste to keep her panties on." Pressing a kiss to Logan's lips, she made her way out the door with a wave, "Off to walk the plank. Keep each other company till I'm back."

Logan looked over at Veronica. "So what's shaking? What did Donut do now?"

"What does Duncan have to do with anything?" asked Veronica, adopting an air of studied casualness.

"C'mon Veronica. Don't be coy. The only question is which one of you will finally step up and put us out of our misery. My money's on you by the way, you'll definitely be the one with balls in that relationship."

"Oh, like Lilly is in yours?"

He grinned. "Ouch, the kitten has claws."

"First I'm boring, now I'm a cat, the hits just keep on coming from you don't they?"

"You're many things Veronica Mars but boring ain't one of them. And for the record, me calling you kitten was a compliment."

She wrinkled her nose. "I'm beginning to think your reputation with the ladies is all made up because your skills at complimenting kinda suck."

"Not a fan of kitten? I think it's perfect for you."

"You compared me to a ball of fluff, how on earth is that complimentary?"

"Well you come across all cute and non-threatening but it's deceptive."

"Do you _know_ what a compliment is? Because I'm starting to think you're having difficulty with the concept."

Holding his hands up conciliatorily, Logan laughed. "I just mean that you're a lot tougher than most would think you considering you look like your typical blond cheerleader and dress like a WASP princess."

"Okay the next person that refers to me as a princess dies."

Logan stilled and asked casually "Who else has been calling you princess? Have there been developments on the Duncan front?"

Rolling her eyes, she smirked, "We're back to Duncan again? I swear with how much you talk about him, maybe you're the one crushin on Donut."

"Don't worry Veronica, Duncan only has eyes for you."

She fake laughed. "Your sense of humor leaves much to be desired."

"Well I guess, it's true what they say, you can't have everything."

Veronica rolled her eyes, sometimes the best response to Logan was no response.

"So if it's not Donut, then what else is new in the world of Veronica Mars?" Tugging her onto the bed next to him, he pressed, "tell Logan all about it."

"Since when are you so interested in my love life?"

"Since you started having a love life for me to care about that didn't include Duncan. Now quit stalling, you know as soon as Lilly gets back she'll spill anyway."

Grumbling, she gave in. "Fine. It's no big deal, just my soul mate mark came in."

That got Logan to sit up and take notice. "No big deal? Are you kidding me? I've never heard of anybody meeting their soulmate so young."

"Easy there. Nobody said anything about meeting. So far the mark just started to appear. According to Lilly, it could be years before the whole thing is in."

"Lilly? What does she know about soul—it's that guy from last year right? Mark," Logan bit out, jaw clenched tight. "She's always going on about everything he 'taught' her".

"Logan…" she began, her voice soft with compassion.

He waved off her sympathy, "Enough about Lilly…and Duncan as a matter of fact. Why do we spend so much time talking about them anyway?"

Following his lead, Veronica questioned breezily. "Well if we didn't talk about them, then whatever would we talk about?"

"Why, us of course." Sliding over to where she sat on the bed, he threw an arm around her and gazed into her eyes soulfully, in an excellent pantomime of a besotted lover. "What say we ditch those Kanes and run off together?"

As a startled giggle erupted from her, Veronica looked up and was surprised by just how handsome Logan looked. She'd always been aware of how good looking he was and even if she hadn't noticed it, he certainly pointed it out enough. This was different. This was no objective acknowledgement of his attractiveness. This was sitting closely enough to catalogue his features and realise that it amount to one ridiculously hot package. Close enough to notice that though he'd sprung up in the past year and filled out some, he still hadn't lost his baby cheeks and that his eyes weren't just brown like she'd always thought but a warm chocolately color interspersed with small flecks of gold. And was that a freckle at the side of his mouth? A birthmark? Left over chocolate?

Oh God, how long had she been sitting here staring at her best friend's boyfriend and why they hell hadn't he said something? He was just as much to blame as she was, in fact what had he been thinking about while she waxed poetic on the pretty colour of his eyes?

* * *

Lilly stopped in the doorway, arrested by the sight of her best friend and boyfriend sitting side by side on the bed, staring at each other. Though they were silent, the moment seemed heavy, weighted down with a strange intensity she'd never noted between Logan and Veronica before.

For once Logan's face bore none of his usual humor. He was absolutely serious, totally focused on the girl next to him, a look of almost wonder on his face. That in itself was strange but what really gave Lilly pause, was Veronica. As she sat there with her lightly flushed cheeks, her eyes sparkling and a mischievous smirk on her face, Veronica looked radiant. She positively sparkled.

That right there was a sneak peek of what Veronica Mars would look like when she finally came into her own. Once she stopped trying to suppress her inner hotness and just let herself be, the boys wouldn't know what hit them. Logan certainly seemed awestruck.

Lilly smirked.

If it were any other girl eliciting that kind of look from her boyfriend, Lilly would destroy the bitch. Monogamy may not be her strong suit but while she was in a relationship it would sure as hell be on her terms. Thankfully none of those concerns applied in this scenario. Logan was crazy in love with her. No surprise really, she was fabulous. Even if he were inclined to stray, Veronica would shoot him down in an instant. That girl was the most loyal person Lilly had ever met, bar none. When she loved, she loved completely. It was a great quality but one that would be really easy to take advantage of. Luckily Lilly would never let that happen as long as she was around.

This soulmate thing was potentially problematic. The final mark could take years before it came in completely and even then it didn't mean that the soulmates would then meet and fall into a perfect relationship immediately. Veronica could fall into a holding pattern where she just waited to meet her soulmate. That would be a waste. She needed to spread her wings a little and that dorkus Donut would be no help with that. He may have the hots for Veronica but he was too shy and too bad at flirting to be of any help. Lilly seriously wondered how she and Donut shared any DNA. Then again, a goddess like her had sprung from the loins of an ice queen like Celeste, so anything was possible.

Looking at the two on the bed, Lilly smiled. Too bad Logan was in love with her or this could've been perfect. Veronica needed the practice and Logan was a master of the art of flirting, the boy could turn anything into an innuendo. Lilly shared the same talent but while she used her raunchy sense of humor to shock Veronica, Logan could use his to titillate. He would be the perfect person to help Veronica get her feet wet, romantically speaking.

Anybody else might be concerned about the idea of throwing an unsuspecting novice at Logan but despite his well-earned reputation, Lilly didn't have a moment's doubt that he would step over the line with Veronica. Logan may talk a big game but deep inside he had a core of honor. Besides that, he had a soft spot for Veronica, always had, he'd never do anything to hurt her. It really was too bad he was so in love with Lilly, he'd have made an excellent first boyfriend for Veronica. Sometimes being this amazing was a curse.

Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she sashayed into the room, "I just had the best thought." Giggling internally at the speed with which they sprung apart, she paused for effect and then stated dramatically, "Veronica Mars, we need to get you a starter boyfriend."

* * *

 _ **2003 – Pale blue eyes**_

True to Lilly's prediction, the tingling faded soon after and while Veronica's awareness of the new mark on her body lingered, as the days passed into months with no further developments, even that too faded. It was a long while before she'd think about soulmates again.

In fact, it was only as she stood at Lilly's graveside, holding up a sobbing Logan Echolls who whimpered about losing his one chance at love that she contemplated the idea of soulmates again. As his words penetrated the fog of her own grief, Veronica realised that Logan was more attached to the idea of soul mates than he had let on and that more than that, he had believed that maybe Lilly was his. The unfairness of it all hit her and she raged, "Fuck soulmates. Who needs one, if they're going to leave you in so much pain, I'm better off alone anyway."

* * *

 _ **2004- Ain't that a bitch**_

Logan watched Veronica saunter down the hallway, her eyes locked on the poor SOB who would be her prey that day. Rocking the shortest skirt he'd ever seen her wear and those butch boots that now featured in his nightly fantasies, Logan could not take his eyes off her.

It had been a couple of months since she'd debuted her new look - ragged chopped off hair, skirts so short that they would've made old Veronica blush and those utilitarian boots that proved unlikely but indisputably sexy fodder for his dreams. New Veronica was a study in contradictions. While she seemed to have donned the uniform of the disaffected youth, her attitude was anything but - she snarled, she snarked and she had no qualms about hitting below the belt. She was a seething mass of rage and anger and spite. Her eyes sparked with the kind of fury that said she'd just as soon gut him and _he fucking loved it_. There was no denying it. New Veronica got his blood pumping.

Losing Lilly had felt like having his heart ripped out but losing Lilly, Duncan and Veronica in short succession had ripped his world apart and left him raw. He'd leapt right over denial and headlong into anger. He'd felt everything, ratcheted up times 1000. Naturally, he tried drinking himself into oblivion. When that hadn't worked, he'd fucked every willing girl and when you're Logan Echolls, Hollywood royalty and Neptune High's own Prince of the 09ers, the girls were plenty willing. Nothing worked. Nobody made an impact into the maelstrom of rage that had become his daily existence. Until Veronica.

First, it had been as a target for his fury. Back when her father had first started putting the screws to the Kanes and she'd took his side, all that he had to do was look at her and his anger would spike. How dare she? How dare she go around looking so innocent, crying such pretty tears and acting like she was grieving when she was such a traitorous bitch? How could she pretend to care about Lilly while turning her back on her family? On Duncan? On him? It used to be them against the world but when the chips were down she'd chosen and he'd never let her forget it.

He'd lashed out the first time in anger. She'd seemed numb, her eyes dead, lifeless almost, lacking in any real reaction and he'd wanted her to hurt, to suffer like he was so he'd done the unthinkable and joked about her mother, the boozehound. That had done it, her eyes had flashed with real hate and she'd volleyed back with a slur on his manhood that would've made Lilly Kane proud. Although he'd felt a momentary pang of regret, it was quickly smothered by the rush of eliciting a reaction from her.

Thinking up new torments became his focus – slashed tires, skanky nicknames, rumors of orgies and STD's- the more outrageous the better. She handled it all with aplomb, never backing down, never showing any fear, all the while getting her shots in.

Not only was she one of the few people brave enough to stand up to him, she was the only one who seemed to keep pace, matching him hit for hit. He spread gossip that she'd serviced the entire football team one day under the bleachers, she countered that Lilly had said he was a bad lay. He slashed her tires after school, she had her 'friends' at the Sheriff's office shadow him for a week every time he left the house. He tormented her about stalking Duncan, and she'd looked at him scornfully and mocked that maybe he was the one she was really after. Her mind was a beautiful and devious thing and without realizing it, he became fascinated by New Veronica.

Truth be told, he'd always been just a little bit fascinated by Veronica. From the moment he'd met the blonde sprite with the take-no-prisoners attitude rocking knee high socks, he'd been charmed. Veronica was an oddity in his world. She was a beautiful, studious girl whose snark rivalled his own and who kowtowed to nobody, not even the mighty Lilly Kane. Wild, raunchy Lilly may have been his dream girl but deep in his heart of hearts Logan Echolls had always thought that Veronica Mars was the perfect girl.

Looking back, he realised that he'd put her on a pedestal and when she'd failed to live up to his expectations, it had hit him hard. Now, he saw her for what she was – a fighter. A survivor. Just like him. When everybody around them had fallen, they alone had been left, changed but still standing. His fascination for her was the same, it hadn't waned, it had morphed. Before he'd seen her as perfect, untouchable for the likes of him. Now he could admit that he very, very badly wanted to touch.

* * *

 _ **2005 – Ooh La La**_

Veronica's head hit the side of the car door with a dull thud. Panting heavily, she felt her eyes flutter closed as Logan worked his way up her neck. Sinking her nails into his hair, she tugged him up and into a long, wet kiss.

God he was good at that.

Awkwardly in tandem, they clambered into the backseat, mouths still attached. Pushing him back far enough, she whipped off his shirt and barely restrained herself from moaning at the sight before her. On a regular day Logan Echolls was handsome. Today, shirtless, hair mussed, eyes glazed with desire, breath coming out in harsh pants, Logan was the hottest fucking thing she'd ever seen.

"You know, this would be right about the point where I'd usually make some quip about turnabout being fair play," he panted gesturing to her tee shirt.

"What's stopping you today?"

"I think you've fried my brain. The quips they just won't come."

"Do it."

"What?" His eyes widened in understanding. "Are you sure? We don't have to-" Reaching for her he said, "See, brain fried. I've just tried to talk you _out_ of taking off your top."

Veronica removed her tee shirt. "Less talk, more making out."

"Yes ma'am." He bent down and without warning took her nipple directly into his mouth. A needy cry fell from Veronica's mouth and she arched her back, tugging on his head to bring him closer. Logan moaned, a harsh desperate sound that sent a surge of warmth straight to Veronica's core. She ached. She needed more.

"Logan…more. I need…" she whimpered.

"What baby? What do you need?"

"You. I need you."

"Veronica…want you…so bad but….our first time is not going to be in the backseat of my Xterra." He gritted out.

"I knowww," she moaned. "Just need…more."

"C'mere baby." Taking hold of her hips he pulled her up to straddle his lap, groaning at the way her short denim skirt rode up to expose a large expanse of bare thigh. He slowly inched her legs apart until she rested right over his erection. She gasped hotly at the contact then made an experimental rock against him that nearly made his eyes roll back. Fuck, he could feel how wet she was.

"Touch me Logan. Please." She gritted out.

He slid his palms up her bare thighs, slipping under the barrier of her panties and over her bare ass. She started moving against him, slowly at first and then more frantically. Taking her mouth in a deep kiss, his hips rose to meet hers, thrusting in short jerky motions. Their movements were desperate, lacking any rhythm. The kisses sloppy, carnal.

Oh God. OhGodOhGodOhOhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuckkkk.

They came in a shower of fireworks. At least that's what Logan would swear afterwards. Maybe Veronica had really fried his brain. One thing he did know for certain, it was single most erotic moment of his life.

He petted Veronica who lay slumped in a boneless heap on his chest, hand moving back and forth soothingly over her spine. As his hand skimmed her lower back he felt it. A slight tingle that seemed to travel across her body and into his, gone almost as soon as it appeared.

His body tensed. "Has it come in fully yet?"

"No. And it wouldn't matter of it had either. Fate has already fucked me over enough for two lifetimes. I'll be taking a hard pass on letting some magically appearing symbol decide my future, thank you very much."

* * *

 _ **2014- Second Chances**_

Get out while you're young.

It was Veronica 3.0's mantra. She'd left Neptune behind years ago, leaving a trail of destruction in her wake and never looked back. Then Logan had called needing her help. It left her poised on a precipice, say yes and potentially be dragged back into her old life, say no and cut the final ties that tethered her to her old self.

She hadn't hesitated an instant. After a half-hearted but honest attempt to warn him that her skills were rusty from lack of use, she'd agreed to fly home to help him choose a lawyer. Truth be told, she'd been metaphorically on the plane to Neptune the minute she'd first seen his name pop up on the caller ID. If Logan needed her, she'd be there. Always.

This time would be different though. The angry vengeful girl he'd known with her love of bad boys, well one bad boy in particular, was gone. She was all grown up and from what she'd seen in the tabloids, so was he. Or so she rationalized to Piz. She'd breeze into town, help out her oldest friend, catch up with Mac and Wallace and swing by and see her dad, all before flying out the next day and returning to her regularly scheduled life. Easy peasy, nothing to it. Multitasking Veronica Mars, that's what they called her.

* * *

White noise. She was enveloped by it. An endless buzz that muted everything around her until it felt like it all passed through a thick fog before it reached her.

She'd fled Neptune to escape the carnage she had caused but knew that unless she changed her modus operandi, destruction would follow her no matter how far she ran. So she'd quit investigating cold turkey and cut off all contact with Logan, two things that seemed inextricably linked to so much of her pain and troubles over the years.

It wasn't until now that she realised that in doing that, she had muted herself as well, her emotions, her responses, her feelings were all filtered through that lens.

It adopting that conditioned response, somewhere along the way she'd ceased being Veronica and become a pale approximation of herself. A walking, talking, grey suit wearing, wisecracking automaton, who ruthlessly suppressed her instincts in favour of achieving the much vaunted normal life.

All it had taken was one look at Logan in his impossibly white uniform, for the first crack in her shields to appear.

"Hey there." _Crack_

"You should only wear this." _Crack Crack_

And so it went. One after the other her defenses fell by the wayside, her true self emerging with every new interaction, an old unused part of herself unfurling with every clue that they unearthed during the investigation. Falling back into their old rhythms, falling back into herself. Extricating herself from Neptune was proving harder that she'd thought.

* * *

"Wait. Don't go."

Everything in her screamed "Stop him. Don't let him go. Not again. Don't lose him again."

Then she was moving, across the room almost before she'd realized it, kissing him. He froze and for one horrible second her heart broke at the rejection but then he was kissing her back, picking her up, spinning and pinning her against the wall. Her breath hitched on a sob at the familiarity of it all. Their eyes met and she stared at him in wonder, this beautiful man who'd always provoked the most intense feelings in her.

She couldn't believe that she was here, in his arms again. One word chanted mindlessly in her head. Finally. Finally, she was here again, in his arms. Right where she was supposed to be.

She was tired of resisting, tired of fighting what now seemed so utterly inevitable. She wanted him. Always had and God help her, she always would. Admitting that was unbelievably liberating.

Life was less without Logan. Less exciting. Less nuanced. Less invigorating. Just less. She'd tried living without him and if need be, she could do it again but if she had any say in the matter, she'd never put herself in that position again. It was that simple.

* * *

Veronica eyes fluttered open

 _Ah the dreaded morning after._

 _What does one say to one's former boyfriend and probable love of one's life after jumping him in the front entryway of one's father's house, after nine years of radio silence? Seriously, Hallmark doesn't write cards for moments like this._

Logan reached out a hand and sleepily drew her over to rest on his shoulder. Snuggling into his warmth, she nuzzled his neck appreciatively.

"Hmmm. What is that?"

"Eau de Logan."

She snorted. "Oh lord, I thought the corny humor would've gotten better with age."

That earned her a quick pinch on her butt, "Ouch" followed by a soothing caress, which in true Logan style was quickly converted into an opportunity for more. Flipping her over, he settled between her thighs. "I'll tell you what has gotten better with age…" his voice dripped with innuendo.

"Is it your fashion sense?"

"Born with that baby."

"Your sense of direction?"

"That's what NAVCOMM's are for."

"Navy talk I'm assuming?"

"Uh huh."

She looked up at the ceiling in contemplation. "Hmmm, what about your keen appreciation for the finer things in life?"

"Never had much of a problem with that either."

"Then whatever could you be talking about Lieutenant? How about your stick-to-it-tiveness?"

A single eyebrow raised in query "As far as I recall, I've never had a problem sticking to what I wanted. Your recollection is different?"

"Well there was that time you dumped me in college…"

 _Huh, apparently she was still not over that._

Neither was Logan. "That was never about not wanting to stay. I just hated not feeling like I was enough. Turns out I was right. You left Neptune and I never heard from you again. "

"Logan. Me leaving, it was never about you…"

"We're getting disturbingly close to 'it's not you, it's me' territory"

"Shush. Just lemme get this out please."

Drawing herself up, she sat back against the headboard, pulling the sheet as she went. She was about to expose herself metaphorically, no need to be literally naked too.

"When I left, everything was a mess. Dad was about to lose the election, Mac and Wallace had drawn the attention of the Castle and you were on the Russian mob's hit list. And all of it, every single thing was my fault. I had done that. I had put everyone I loved at risk. And for what? Vengeance? Justice? I'm not sure I knew the difference or cared but when everything went down I took a long hard look at myself and knew it had to stop."

"So you left."

"Yeah. I wasn't confident that I wouldn't keep doing the same things if I stayed in Neptune. It was never meant to be forever. The more time passed…well, it just got easier to stay away. I grew up. Moved on. I convinced myself that it made sense to leave everything in the past."

"Leave me behind you mean, because you didn't seem to cut off any other friends."

"Don't be coy Logan. We were always more than that. I may not have known what we were by that point but we were definitely not _just_ friends."

"So you stayed away."

"I didn't plan that. I needed to be different. Less emotional, more in control. Less _Veronica_. You were a threat to that. I couldn't not be me around you."

"Then I called and messed everything up again."

"No. You called and I came home because you said you needed me…but...really I came home because I needed to."

Even now it was still hard for her to share her feelings, the need to not expose any vulnerability, still too deeply ingrained. Instead, she tried to pour all her emotion into her kiss -affection, sadness, lust, happiness, relief and above all her willingness to try again.

He gentled the kiss, pressing her back onto the pillows. Leaning back, he looked at her and smiled. "You're here now. When I needed you, you jumped on a plane and flew across the country to help me. That's enough for me." He looked happy and there was no denying the genuineness of his words but she could see the disappointment that still lurked in his eyes.

 _Cowboy up Mars._

"I love you Logan."

A litany of emotions raced across his face, shock, hope, joy and then inexplicably grief before he blinked and all the emotions were seemingly wiped away. He gifted her with a slow sweet smile and oh-so-gently tucked her hair behind her ear.

"It's okay Veronica. I, uh, I appreciate what you're trying to do but-"

"But nothing you silly man. You know I finally work up the courage to tell you how I feel and you dismiss me."

"I'm not dismissing you, I just don't want you to feel obligated because of what happened last night…because of what I said."

She scoffed. "Logan how many times have you told me you loved me during sex? I'll tell you. Every. Single. Time. I didn't even know it was possible to come without you murmuring how much you loved me in my ear until…you know what, never mind. The point is, you saying it is not a new thing. How many times did I feel _obligated_ to repeat it?"

"None."

"Exactly. None. And do you know why? Because although I loved you and I did Logan, so very much. It scared me. It was big and powerful and _too much_. I wasn't ready for it."

"But you are now?"

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

"Logan it took me nine years to get to this point, I'm not sure 'just like that' applies."

"You sound so confident, it's going to hurt extra special when you decide to run again because you love me so much it scares you."

She narrowed her eyes. "I'm going to give you that one because more often than not I am the one who left and sarcasm is your usual weapon of choice for dealing with things but-"

"I'm sorry, okay but it's hard not to believe that you'll bolt as soon as you realise exactly what it is you're saying now." At her confused look, he changed tack, "What about your soul mate mark?"

"What about it? I mean it finally came in but…I've never met the guy and I don't need to. I know what I want and that's you."

"Can I see it?"

"Uh, sure." Turning around, she loosened her grip on the sheet, letting it fall until her entire back lay exposed to his view.

Slowly, using a single finger, Logan traced the mark that lay across her back like a brand. "Always," he read.

Sighing, she turned around, "Logan I don't want you to worry about this. Lots of people have long successful relationships without-"

"When I said that I expected you to run as soon as you realised what you were getting in to, this is what I meant." He unbuckled his watch and turned over his hand, exposing the counterpart to her soulmate mark on his wrist.

"Oh my GOD! Logan…how? No when? When did this happen?"

"Right before you left Neptune. I was walking along the beach and I saw you and Wallace. I was about to come over and talk to you but then it happened. I was shocked. By the time I worked up the courage to tell you a couple of days later, you'd already left for your internship with the FBI. So I decided to wait until you got back. Then when you didn't I figured that maybe it was for the best if you didn't know. I mean you were choosing to cut me out of your life, what right did I have to dump any of this on you?"

 _You know those people who can predict when change is coming in their life? I'm not one of them. Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face. This time was no different except for once fate wasn't drop kicking me in the face but bringing something pretty amazing into my life. Fate 100 - Veronica Mars 1. I guess it had to happen sometime._

"I understand why you didn't say anything." She sighed. "I wasn't in the best head space then and really for years after. The last thing I would've wanted was any more pressure on me. So it probably was the right call. Then."

"And now it's different?"

"Well you've finally done it. I know everything. You tell me…" She dropped the sheet entirely and crawled up his body until she sat astride him, gloriously naked. "Do I look ruffled?"

Logan eyes skimmed down her body and the embers of desire that always seem to linger in his eyes, flared to life. "You look beautiful."

"Well in the words of the great philosopher Pat Benatar, Love is Battlefield." He snorted but she continued unperturbed. "I can't think of anybody better to fight by my side. So Lieutenant Echolls, can I count on you to be there?"

Logan smiled and pulled her down for a kiss. "Always."


End file.
